What Animal Would You Be?
by acci0dramione
Summary: DMHR/ONE SHOT/FLUFF Draco takes Hermione's rather ironic muggle-magazine quiz.


Hermione Granger hadn't expected to be paired with Pansy Parkinson for her final Potions assignment - brewing Laughing Potion - but she was not going to let the ignorant Slytherin effect her mark. And so, she and Pansy agreed that Hermione would brew the potion, and Pansy would stay as far away from her as humanly possible. So far, the plan had been working fantastically, and Hermione was working furiously in an empty potions classroom, three steps away from completing the potion.

She bit down on her bottom lip, " _Add Billywig wings_. Well, how many? Merlin, you think they'd make the instructions a little clearer for such a large project."

She flipped through a binder of notes, _Grind wings, then add until potion turns pink_ was scribbled in the margin of her most recent note.

"Always on top of your game, Hermione," she mumbled happily to herself.

The instructions called for a 45 minute brewing session, which Hermione happily agreed with. She sat down with a muggle magazine her mother had sent in the mail. She enjoyed reading the articles on her favourite celebrities from back home; gossip was her guilty pleasure, although she was never one to partake in it. She just innocently listened, harbouring information had there ever been a chance that she could use it for her own advantage.

10 minutes passed when the classroom door opened with a creak, and a tattered Draco Malfoy stumbled inside.

"Malfoy? Merlin, are you alright?"

"Leave it to you, mudblood, to ask such stupid questions," he groaned. He had blood dripping from the corner of his mouth, and he was clutching his stomach through his uniform, which had small amounts of blood seeping through them.

"You're…you're right. I suppose you're not okay. Let me heal those scrapes, will you? I'm practicing to be a Healer, actually. It seems like a suitable position for someone with my talents. Not that I'm boasting, but I believe I have a really large talent in those sort of—"

"Bloody hell, Granger. Shut up and fix me!"

She turned to look at the potion, the timer reading 20 more minutes left. _I_ _'_ _ll have him fixed by then_ , she told herself.

Once the wounds were cleaned up, she helped Draco take a seat in one of the chairs.

"You're going to have to stay here until I'm done this potion, so I can finish healing them completely. They're cleaned, there's just the patching up left."

He nodded, though he didn't look very happy about it.

She sat in the chair opposite him and began to read her magazine, not bothering to ask Malfoy what happened to him. Part of her was too scared to ask, the other part of her already knew the answer. He was notorious for fooling around with the Dark Arts, trying spells he knew he wasn't equipped to perform. Another spell gone wrong, she figured.

They sat in silence for 5 minutes.

"What's that you're reading?" Draco asked, scanning the cover. " _People_? Is that one of your stupid muggle books again?"

She lowered the book so only her eyes were shown, "It's called a magazine, actually. But yes, this would be one of them."

"Merlin, do you mudbloods have anything better to do besides read?"

"Do all purebloods ask so many obnoxious questions or is it just you?"

Ignoring her, Draco groaned in pain, "I can't feel my body."

"I can't read with your bloody voice ringing in my ear every five seconds!" Hermione shouted. She flipped the page and smirked. "Say, Malfoy. Care to take one of these muggle quizzes with me?"

"Quizzes?" he asked, his face lighting up. "Is it anything like an exam? Could I beat you in it?"

"Well, not exactly. It's a _What Animal Would You Be?_ quiz. They ask you questions, give you multiple choice answers, and you choose which one fits best for you. When you're finished, you calculate your answers and it gives you an animal that complies with your personality."

Draco scoffed. "I'd easily be a dragon."

"Dragons aren't real in the muggle world, Malfoy."

"Then a snake. What else could a royal, pureblood Slytherin like myself be?" he beamed, fixing the tie of his uniform.

"A ferret, perhaps?" Hermione snickered, practically seeing his head deflate.

His cheek flushed red. "Very funny, Granger. Hand it over then, we'll see what I get."

Moments later, he handed the magazine back with a pursed lip, avoiding her gaze.

"Well, Malfoy, what did you get?" Hermione asked, a smirk appearing on her face.

"I don't want to say," he replied angrily.

"Fine, I'll just read you the options and you can tell me yes or no. Was it a bear?"

"No."

"A fox?"

"No."

"How 'bout a lion?"

He scoffed, "Definitely not."

"A mouse?"

"No, Granger. Next one, I believe."

Hermione examined the page one last time, a grin spreading across her face. The spell she'd put on the magazine had worked.

"Looks like I was right," she remarked.

 _If you were an animal, you would be a(n)_ _…_

 _If you picked all D:_ _ **Ferret**_ _._

Hermione burst into laughter.

That is, until the cauldron behind her exploded, spewing out a sunshine yellow liquid all over the classroom.

Now they were both laughing, only this time, it was uncontrollably.


End file.
